


all that i had; all that i've lost

by orphan_account



Category: Gattaca (1997)
Genre: Angst, M/M, TW: Suicide, Unrequited Love (?), tw: depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-20 11:31:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16554950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Eugene reflects on what he has left after Vincent leaves for Titan.





	1. if at first you don't succeed

**Author's Note:**

> There is literally no fandom for this movie but I just watched it and cried my eyes out so I'm writing this instead of doing homework. This is my interpretation of what Eugene was going through just before his death, and I don't actually think Vincent felt this way about him.

He had nothing, then he had Vincent.

But now, he has nothing once more. 

Vincent is gone, out in space, and has probably already forgotten about the man he left behind. What does Eugene mean to him? Nothing, only endured to provide a source of DNA samples. He is no longer needed, now that he has prepared enough urine, blood, and hair for Vincent to live comfortably. Eugene means nothing to Vincent. 

What does Vincent mean to Eugene? Everything. He spent every day contemplating whether or not he should drag himself into the incinerator until Vincent walked into the door. And he resented him at first, for taking his life and identity, but at least Jerome Morrow was accomplishing something, doing something right. Because even with his designer genes, everything he needed to succeed in the world, Eugene still failed. 

He helped Vincent, and soon Vincent helped him. Yes, he paid the rent and bought him wine, but he also gave Eugene something to live for. He gave him a friend. And then, he gave him something more.

For a second, a minute maybe, Eugene thought maybe there was some part of Vincent that loved Eugene as Eugene loved him. And he had hope, that maybe somehow he would actually find some sort of happiness. But then he sat (was there anything else he could do?) at the window, and watched the woman in the car, and gave Vincent up. Vincent would be happier with Irene, somehow who wasn't fucked up as Eugene was. 

And he was somewhat happy and completely crushed at the same time when he saw the way Vincent looked at Irene, because Vincent was happy but Vincent was not looking at him. He had imagined that maybe there could be something between them, but Vincent had made his choice. 

The day before Vincent's launch, Eugene decides he has nothing. He prepares enough samples for Vincent to live happily (with Irene) for as long as he could, and tells Vincent he will be traveling, and wishes him good luck and farewell. He climbs into the incinerator, and grasps his second-place medal. It is the best proof he has that he is not good enough, not worthy of anything. 

He looks down at his legs, his genetically perfect, useless, legs. He doesn't remember all of that day, just the car speeding towards him and the pain, the darkness, and then the harsh lights and people telling him he would be okay. He couldn't even kill himself correctly. Well, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

By the time Vincent gets back, Eugene will be long gone, and Vincent will be the only Jerome Morrow. After all, he is more worthy of the name.  

 


	2. try, try again

Vincent had lost the hair. Somehow, he’d dropped it into a vent of the spaceship, which every couple hours recycled air, dumping everything else into space.  

 

He hadn’t seen it in weeks, of course, but it was just a lock of hair. He would see Eugene again soon, and it wouldn’t matter. But something troubled him, some inkling of dread that he had made a terrible mistake. 

 

Perhaps most of it was that he hadn’t particularly understood Eugene’s gift. Why give him a lock of hair when he had jars of the stuff at home, sitting in a jar? 

 

Vincent had intended to bring the hair home with him, to give it back to Eugene and tell him that at least part of the real Jerome Morrows had made it to Titan. Instead, all he had were the clothes he was wearing, and at least two people waiting for him. 

 

Irene met him after his debriefing, and they shared a polite hug. Before he’d left, Vincent had spoken with Irene, and they both agreed it was better if they moved on, because there was a chance he was never coming back to Earth. 

 

On the drive to his and Eugene’s apartment, Irene informed him she’d met someone else, and had moved away. She’d driven back to see Vincent again, but she had to get back to her new home. 

 

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

 

Now, Vincent stood in front of his door and straightened his clothes. He imagined opening the door and walking downstairs, Eugene greeting him with a witty joke and complaints amassed over the year Vincent had been gone. 

 

Instead, he was greeted with silence. 

 

“Eugene?” Vincent called, his voice cutting through the deathly quiet. There was no response. He walked down the stairs, and into Eugene’s bedroom. “Eugene?” He called again, a little softer. 

 

As he walked into the main room, his eyes landed on the wheelchair, empty and still, sitting in front of the incinerator. “Eugene?” He whispered, but he already knew he would receive no answer. 

  
Please, he pleaded, let this be some sick joke. But he heard Eugene’s voice, echoing in his head.  _ I stepped right out in front of it. I’ve never been more sober in my life.  _ He stepped forward, reaching for the handle of the incinerator, but stopped. The knot that  had formed in his stomach twisted and twisted and twisted, until his feet gave out and he was kneeling on the floor, his head inches from the incinerator. 

“No. No, no,  _ no. _ ” He whispered, softly, and them louder, until he was shouting the word against the cold metal, as if that would do anything helpful. 

He shouted, and then something inside him broke even more and he was sobbing, his tears falling to the ground. “Please.” He pleaded. 

He had no one now, both of the people he’d looked forward to seeing were gone. He had nothing. “I shouldn’t have gone, I shouldn’t have left.” He whispers into the door, because his greatest dream had become his worst nightmare. 

He thought of Eugene’s parting gift, now gone. It was millions of miles away, floating through space, if it hadn’t been destroyed altogether. 

He had come home, but he hadn’t come home at all. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't even know anymore, lol sorry for the atrocious writing

**Author's Note:**

> This is short and went in a way I didn't intend, and it makes no sense but oh well.


End file.
